Mirage

Life ~ Mirage
~ A wasted illusion right from the start.
~ Hopeless romanticism of a hopeful heart.

Though the former is reality, I choose to live by the latter.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Carpe Diem


Ah! Life, a probability
The game of chance,
of faith, of hope,
hopeless romance;
recollection, precision,
calculated decision,
deception, intrigue,
nail biting anticipation
never a win-win
its all but a gamble
favourableness, the odds
are all but a ramble
cuz even with
unbiased dice
being objective,
no virtue; no vice
oh right, you can even
maximize,
from a hundred rolls
you're free to learn
but admit it,
all said and done
you could never tell
the outcome of that
hundred-and-oneth turn



Thursday, June 20, 2013

कल को कल में रहने दो



कबसे मन में आशाओं का
समुद्र था एक संजोया हुआ
उड़ कर पल में वो बादल सा
जा बैठा है आँखों के पीछे
बहने दो
अब बहने दो

उड़ गया समुद्र जो बादल बनके
तो बचा है केवल नमक वहाँ
चुभता है पल पल घावों पर
सहने दो
अब सहने दो

समय का खेल, पुरानी बातें
सहमा सा दिल, अधूरी मुलाकातें
कईं शब्दों के बीच कुछ शब्द अनकहे
कहने दो
अब कहने दो

भरी आँखें, दुखते घाव
छलकती हँसी, आस है बाकी
है हाल कुछ ऐसा, तो ऐसा ही
रहने दो
अब रहने दो



Monday, June 3, 2013

A Truth Unavowed


~
Beating, defeating
the guilt, disdain
Will the Eagle,
ever, soar again?

~
There it stood with eyes full of hope,
longing, belonging, heart ajar
Why did it forget it is but a Dragon
lonesome, bereft, scared, far

For
Eagles don't flock
and Dragons don't melt
Or perhaps they do
But you'll
never get to see
~
An Eagle's pain.
~
A Dragon's scar.



Friday, May 31, 2013

अब मैं आज़ाद हूँ



शीशे की दीवारों में
कैद था जाने कब से मन
कोशिश तो की
पर चाह नहीं थी
इन रंग भरी दीवारों को
तोड़ कर बहार आने की

इन नए नए रंगों में रोज़
जग दिखता कितना सुन्दर था
बाहर की बेरंग दुनिया से शायद
कैद भली थी शामियाने की

पर क्या हुआ जाने एक दिन
जो आस जगी अनोखी एक
दम घुटा और हमने फिर
तुड़वा डाला दीवारों को

टूटे शीशों का दर्द हुआ
नाज़ुक कोमल से पावो में
धुंधला गयी डरी सी नज़र
जब अश्क बहे इन आखों से

पर समय बीता
हम आगे बढ़े
कम हुआ दर्द और धुंधलापन
रह गए हम एकदम चकित जब
पाया जग को को और भी रौशन

हुए अचंभित चकाचौंध से
उल्लास भर गया रग रग में
नया है कितना कुछ देखने को
इस बहुप्रदर्शक जगमग जग में

ओ साथी तू भी निकल अब बाहर
क्यों शीशे में कैद, भयभीत है?
आ नाच यहाँ खुले आँगन में
इस नए जग का अजब ही कुछ संगीत है





Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Why I Write


Every time I write, no matter how badly, its like a part of me goes into the piece. Maybe that's why it feels light after penning down sad thoughts and happier after happy ones. 'Pain lessens and joy grows by sharing' they say. This couldn't be truer because every time I re-read these write-ups, it feels like a maturer me is now there to comfort, share and take control of the situation. :)
#Joys-Of-Writing 
#To-Pen-and-Pensive-Moods


Saturday, May 11, 2013

एक मुखौटा मेरा भी



~
धरती थी प्यासी
जी कर आया की ऐसे बरसें बादल
हो जाए तृप्त हर पत्ता पत्ता

आसमान खुला था
बिजली भी चमकी, और हवा भी आई
पर वक़्त आने पर
बादलों ने बरसने से मना कर दिया

अब बादलों ने बरसने से मना कर दिया
तो इस
अतृप्त प्यास को कहाँ से बुझाऊं


~
नाव चली थी छोटी सी मेरी
तूफ़ान से लड़ने
करने सामना हर मुश्किल का

नाव भी थी
सन्नाटा भी आया
पर वक़्त आने पर
तूफ़ान ने आने से मना कर दिया

अब तूफ़ान ने आने से मना कर दिया
तो इस
सन्नाटे में ध्वनि कहाँ से लाऊं


~
उतावले थे पाँव मेरे
घुंघरुओं की ताल पर थिरकने को
ऐसे नाचूं की झूम उठे जग सारा

मन भी था
संगीत भी आया
पर वक़्त आने पर
घुंघरुओं ने छमकने से मना कर दिया

अब घुन्ग्रुओं ने छमकने से मना कर दिया
तो इस
बावरे मन को किस ताल पर नचाऊं


~
रात थी दिवाली की
सैंकड़ों दीयों में एक दिया मेरा भी था
बेचैन था जो  जलने को, अँधेरा उजागर करने को

दिया भी था
दिवाली भी आई
पर वक़्त आने पर
लौ ने जलने से मना कर दिया

अब लौ ने जलने से मना कर दिया
तो इस
दिये में आग कहाँ से लगाऊं


~
अपार प्यास
गहरा सन्नाटा
टूटे घुंघरू
बुझा हुआ दिया
उम्मीद भी है, और हसरत भी
पर तकदीर ने बदलने से मना कर दिया
तो इस
मुख पर हंसी कहाँ से लाऊं


Sunday, April 28, 2013

Life, Live it, Love it. Unconditionally.


Seeing life through
Rose Coloured Glasses.
Everything seems
Genuine, sincere and pure.
Each action is naive
or done in frivolity.


You love someone?
You tell them.
Do not expect a reply.
This much, here
is a beautiful thing in itself.
Bask in it. Unconditionally.


You fought hard?
And even then you failed?
Calm yourself.
A deep breath there.
Failure is relative.
A sincere effort on your part
is all that matters.
Keep fighting. Unconditionally.


Regretful past?
Lofty dreams?
Unachievable targets?
Be easy on yourself.
Small steps at a time.
Dream on.
Live your passion
and love to live. Unconditionally.


Seeing life through
Rose Coloured Glasses.
Sometimes reality
strikes hard.
The numbing pain
gets unbearable.
Let that tear out.
But always remember to
put those glasses back on.
And smile at the world. Unconditionally.




Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Going Senile! Peekaboo!



You know you are losing it
When you realize in a sudden fit
You don't want to turn Twenty-four
Is only because it's such a bore
Unlike Twenty-three, which at least is a prime
Breakable, factorable, Twenty-four is a slime!
And as you warm up to "just one short, not quite there"
You'll be 'the overrated Twenty-five' in no time
And you'll broadcast it to dismissive people
With yet another silly post, a crappy rhyme!


#so-old-and-lazy-yet-crazy!




Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Living up to Expectations*




The loud, piercing voice, showering traces of spit under the hood of a hollow dark shadow, declared over his head, 

What? You don’t even know the spelling of 
E.M.B.A.R.R.A.S.S.M.E.N.T?


That's when the descent started really. From then on, the voices, now more of hissing and hushing, have been making sure he never misses that spelling again.


Life is a roller coaster ride’ they had said, but he wonders why, for him, the rickety ride up was always pleasurable and never the descent.  


*quite an oxymoron, isn't it?








Friday, January 11, 2013

Living free. My way.




"So what if I failed 
in what I started,
So what if I chanced it
and cried.
Because unlike you
I've 'lived' my way
and on my death bed, 
I proudly would say
No matter what 
my current state
At least, bloody hell, 
I tried.
It may have taken 
my ease away
but the spirit within 
never died"






Yes, they say, I walk like a boy
and oh my, do I care

Yes, I do talk loudly sometimes
cuz' I so love how they stare

Yes, one moment I'm laughing guts out
and another I'm crying like a child

Yes, and I like to eat and hog too
and choke and croak and leap out wild

Yes, for this they call me names I find funny
God bless my creativity or the lack of it

Yes, my jokes seldom amuse them
Bah, the witty fool with a foolish wit

Yes, I prefer randomness
these rules and control isn't just my thing

Yes, so I was never disciplined
that conformist pride I could never bring

Yes, they try to push me pull me
squash my heart and sway my mind

So yes, one day I'll breakaway
leaving this little note behind-

I'm going to risk it,
live life and play

My life is too important
to live it their way
and it's too short too
to pay heed to all the crap they say






Monday, January 7, 2013

For you, again.


Okay, so this is what an endless wait in Bangalore traffic does to you! 

#musings on why it never really sublimed


उतना आनद तुझे हार कर फिर जीतने में नहीं होगा

जितना अभिमान तुझे जीत कर भी तेरी हार में है |
वो जूनून तुझसे फिर मुलाक़ात में भी नहीं होगा
जो मज़ा तेरे इंतज़ार में है |


#a gentle whisper follows


“In your light I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside me where no-one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art.” ― Rumi






Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Such Animality induces Mad Anger!


This is in wake of the public outrage over the New Delhi rape case, demanding death penalty for the culprit. The protests have left many wondering if such a demand (if successful) will actually lead to any reduction in the heinous crime. And many more are just venting their anger out virtually.

Well, so much for hollow-virtual protests! 

Here's what EACH one of us CAN do for a gradual but sure change!


Guys:
1. Next time people in your group talk disrespectfully about a girl, have the guts (rather, be man enough) to shut them up! There and then.

2. The words "Totaa", "Maal", "Item", "Haryaali", "Meri Property" aren't cool. But you are the ones laughing loudest at 'jibes' like these. Can you avoid commodifying girls completely?

3. Can you please at least stop appreciating vulgarity so openly, specially in the movies? Because clearly some men are so incapable of ending it at that.



Girls: 
Just demanding justice isn't enough, a swing downward needs a forceful swing upward for equilibrium! So

1. Join a self-defense class

2. Carry a knife with you at all times

3. Protest NOT for Death Penalty (that's going lenient on the rapist). Protest for a more TORTURE-ing punishment!


A deeply disturbed Delhi Girl. Wishing for peace. Amen.






Friday, November 2, 2012

A Pinch of Salt

# 1
If each dream were big
And they did come true
Then who'd do the dishes
Or work for others
Like you and I do
For such low a price
Who'd cut your hair?
Who'd ever have the time
To just stand and stare?



# 2
Ignored gags
Conversation drags
New friends, new places
This ice-breaking bit
Everything, all of it
Such a crappy shit!



# 3
Hi Bangalore, (Or rather Hi India?)
"Give me some cleaner roads,
Give me some places not made worse by rain
Another one of your wet, garbage ridden corners
and I'm gonna throw-up once again!"



Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Dreams Don't Die





A body adrift
In the clear vastness
Disintegrating, floating
Immersed, absorbed
In the tranquil waters
Flowing through

Surrendering to Solitude
A comfort that absolves
And amid this ease
A Vortex builds
With a rebellious intensity
Ripping apart

Each revealed particle
Actualizing
Its essence of existence
Collapsed yet free
The detached pieces
Floating loosely
In the massive black hole
Getting pulled
Into a blinding whiteness

Where
Quietly, softly,
A dream gets reborn
Rising
Waiting to shine


Sunday, October 7, 2012

What's Better?



You there, the one
With a rounded belly
Chin held high
In egotism, with welly
Leather belts and
Big fat pockets
Sharp eyeballs
In cold eye-sockets

You there, the one
With your upper crust chick
Haughty strides
Dresses slick
Such pride, such envy
Such high heeled shoes
Incapable of compassion
Manipulated rues

Why do you see me
With ridicule and hate?
When I stand in anticipation
At your shut gate?

Is it because
I beg you for food?
Or do my frayed clothes
Appear rude?
My face fatigued,
And my manners crude?

Oh I get it,
It must be because
I stereotyped too
Excuse me, I forgot
That’s the one thing
Done best by you

And pardon me
When I dare to state
That even in my
Haplessness and misery
I feel great,
Because, given a choice
I'm pretty sure
Anytime, anywhere
I’d rather endure
A hard sustenance
A poor house, falling apart
Than be like you
With a hollow character
and a poor heart

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Chimes



She falls into her abyss
a void so vast
deep down, melting, dissolving
into the open skies
breathing into a
a giant clear universe
bathed in countless
softly shimmering stars
like pearls floating
atop the drowsy water
making softer tinkling sounds
dyed in subtle hues
of grays and blacks and blues
where silent dreams
glide gently, like feathers
awed, consumed, possessed
by a surreal world
the world of a day-dreamer
or an escapist?




Thursday, June 7, 2012

My Valedictory Speech - 2012 :)



I still remember the first day I came into the campus. Through the cluttered Mumbai roads and rains I couldn't hide my disappointment at seeing the "unwelcoming"  gates of the campus and the chaos outside of it. But once inside, my expression changed completely. All the greenery was too good for my poor-eyesight. The Kresit building, hostel 11, Powai Lake, the temple, Sameer Hill, the lanes and the quiet... everything seemed so welcoming. This was to be my home for the next 2 years, and I was looking forward to it.

And now as I stand here, with just two weeks more for this journey to end (If I graduate this year, hopefully :P). Just two more weeks of college life for most of us, I can definitely say the time here has made us strive to achieve our potentials, and has left some amazing memories.

Einstein once said, “Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.” What will we remember about IIT Bombay in two weeks, after forgetting all about Networks, Graphics or... ITPM?
Seniors, Juniors, Batch-mates - Friends.

Friends from all parts of India with their peculiar accents - Learning Khyamadema, ami jol khaabe... Vedi Mulgi aahe re... Inge po, Inge wa.. was a lot of fun! In the beginning there was a common joke on the names of our classmates... Malani, Nihilani, Rajwani, Gokani, Chhatani, Patani... kaise kaise naam waale students hain... par kuchh bhi kaho... sab ke sab studd hain yaar! No wonder then that I experienced apprehension and self-doubt looking around, but this was gradually replaced with a confidence and a quite resolve as I became acclimated to IIT B. I learned a lot from the other students. My respect and appreciation for them rapidly increased as I became more aware of the numerous bonds we had in common. I also made several friendships along the way that will hopefully last a lifetime. So much so that now its hard to believe that these same crazy people are going to be professionals in world's top companies!


We will also remember the most important pillars of the institute, our Professors. It is said - to err is human, to forgive is divineBut now there's a better version of it - to err is human and to really foul things up needs a computer. And trust a Computer Science Engineer to do just that. Who will understand this better than our teachers. They inspire, hold our hands, forgive, forget and guide us through our difficult times. They are like Petrol Pumps, (given the price hike, this seems even more relevant now) - we stop momentarily at their doorstep, and they, having filled our knowledge tank with vision and confidence, wave us off to a fulfilling journey called life.
Oh yes, I’m reminded of yet another version that I cooked up: To err is Student, to forgive Guide. And I owe a debt of gratitude to Dr. Pushpak Bhattacharyya for being my mentor and for guiding me throughout my two years. I am also thankful to the entire CSE Faculty for the immense inspiration they have been to all of us here.

We may have disappointed you many times, but leaving the institute we do realize that we carry with us a burden, a Privileged responsibility of being an IIT Alumnus. And all of us here hope to give our best to everything we do in our life ahead and make IIT Bombay proud of us.



And lastly we’d always remember the time spent here at IIT Bombay. From First semester - with the stress of not being able to work enough when you know you Have to, to the Last semester – with the stress of trying to work when you know you don't want to. Birthdays, friendship days, Traditonal days, Department trips, Class trips, and numerous treats. PG Sports, PG Cult, GRA, India winning world cup, KPL, Night outs, meeting strict deadlines, apology letters for coming late to the networks class, trying not to doze off in some other class. And of course getting 'First Zeroes'.

Jokes apart, through the failures and achievements here, I have learnt how to believe in myself. How to not be worried too much in times of failures. And how to remain humble during the high times. In short, how to handle failures objectively and take success subjectively. And in this the college has provided a stimulating, caring, and a very supportive environment.



In fact, following lines may just well sum up what I want to say:

With each passing hour the desire escalates
with each passing day the strivers yearn
Don't want this rigour to cease at all
Don't want an end to this sojourn.

And even as we have to leave
With cherished memories and self-belief
Where-ever we are, we’d always be proud to say
My alma mater? IIT Bombay.


As this beautiful journey ends and we go our separate ways, I'd like to say:
Do what your heart desires. Find the path to your true happiness. Even if it means taking the "road less travelled".
Rise, Shine and always be in your pursuit of happiness.



Tuesday, June 5, 2012

... and thus spake a Delhi Girl




Such boisterous nature! I’m sure you must be from Delhi
Your first impression was of a haughty girl who is arrogant and always bossing around
You’re from Delhi? I’ve heard Delhi girls swear a lot!

I was baffled at these reactions I got from people during my first few days  in Mumbai - a city, as I was told, that was very chilled out; where nobody really cared about who you were. I couldn’t possibly fathom how any Delhi Girl could be different from the ones from a similar metropolitan. But soon it dawned on me. Yes, there was good enough reason for this difference. For being classified as a 'Delhi-ite'.

I have been born and brought up there. I have spent the crucial 21 years of my life in Delhi. A city where being out of your home alone beyond 9pm is almost a sin; where chain-snatchers, eve-teasers and disgusting-oglers wouldn’t fear going on about with their corrupt actions and lewd statements even in bright daylight. The ‘heart’ of India where wearing a cut-sleeve tee and shorts in Delhi Metro was as inappropriate as butterflies to wicked 10 year olds, they’d pester them even when it’s totally uncalled-for.

How could the ones freely roaming along the marine lines at midnight learn to prefer a backpack with pepper-spray instead of a journalist/side bag in public places. How could the cool and easy going people coming from oh-so-not-Delhi states know why the girls with perpetual stone-faced looks are always ready to remove their chappals for a good thrashing at the slightest sign of mischief.

They say ‘better safe than sorry’. So that’s how we grow up; learning to protect ourselves, be bold and assertive about our own ‘rights to swear’.  Ah! So much for Delhi-bashing! But despite all its lack-of-security (or too much insecurity?) and power-hunger, it has its own appeal. It is the one state (okay, UT!) that will always be close to my heart.

For the uninitiated readers, Delhi’s cultural heritage is only too intriguing. The Red Fort, Purana Quila, Qutub Minar, Jantar Mantar,  Lodhi Gardens are just few indications of a regality that it has been. The ‘chaat’ and ‘chehal-pehal’ of Chandni Chowk, the classy aura of Connaught Place and South Delhi, our own Delhi-Metro, its food and foodies, its shops and shopaholics! Everything about the city is lovely.

Having spent almost 2 years here in Mumbai now, I can definitely say that it may be the fashion capital of India, but it can never match the sense of confidence and asservation of Delhi-ites. Its congested roads, tiring traffic and rickety Best Buses can only dream to match the wider roads, Low-floor CNG Buses  and Metro (okay! We take too much pride in it J)

If Mumbai-rains are much sought after, ask a Delhi-ite how he feels about ‘Garam Pakodas with Adrak waali Chai’ in ‘Dilli ki Sardi’. If Mumbai has the whole of Bollywood housed here, ask A Delhi-ite how proud (s)he is of the Republic Day parades and India Gate and the Commonwealth games being held at Delhi.


Every city is special in its own way. And Delhi, my hometown, has its own exceptional charm. Someone has said (and rightly so) that it can't be described wholly in one person's viewpoint. Every Delhi-ite has his/her own view of the place. His/her own way of getting enchanted by the small city that has so much to offer.  And it is my ‘Clean and Green Delhi’, my 'City of Flyovers' that I'll always miss no matter where I am.


This post is merely a result of reflecting over the scepticism towards Delhi and its people that I have seen in the two years I have been in Mumbai. In no way do I mean to demean Mumbai over Delhi. Because all said and done, “Agar Mumbai India ki Jaan hai, to Delhi Dil se kam nahi” :P
(Pardon the Pjs plz!)







Monday, May 28, 2012

जाने क्योँ



काम के बोझ तले, रोज़मर्रा की दौड़ में
वक्त यूँ ही निकल जाता है
पर अगर माँ से न हो दो पल बात, 
दोस्तोँ के साथ न हो कुछ देर मुलाकात,
तो दिन नहीं बन पाता है
दिमाग ही सोचता सिर्फ तो क्या था गम
जाने क्योँ दिल बीच में आ जाता है

कभी तो भरी भीड़ में खोये, डरती हूँ 
पर स्थिर कदम नहीं डगमगाता है
फिर कभी यूँ ही अकेले में
पुरानी यादोँ के बीच एक आँसू छलक जाता है
दिमाग ही सोचता सिर्फ तो क्या था गम
जाने क्योँ दिल बीच में आ जाता है

कठिन राह पर, भरी धूप में 
पाँव के छालों का दर्द भी महसूस न हो पाता है 
और कभी तो एक हल्का सा हवा का झोँका ही
अन्दर तक हिला कर छोड़ जाता है
दिमाग ही सोचता सिर्फ तो क्या था गम
जाने क्योँ दिल बीच में आ जाता है

मंदिर की सीड़ी पर वो छोटे बच्चे
हाथ फैलाए, प्रसाद से पेट भरते किसी तरह
"मैं क्योँ सोचूं यह सब, मेरा क्या जाता है"
पर रोज़ वो निश्छल आँखें,
हर वो मासूम चेहरा नज़र आता है
दिमाग ही सोचता सिर्फ तो क्या था गम
जाने क्योँ दिल बीच में आ जाता है


Thursday, May 24, 2012

Uncertainty!



Uncertainty, it's such a pain,
Uncertainty drove me insane
indecision, anxiety, doubt, dilemma
I wished it were all on the wane
so why is it when life's so certain,
controlled, regular, plain, mundane
it's puzzlement, enigma, chance, fun,
a little uncertainty that I want again?