Of dreams And love

This is from my Facebook wall, where status-posts tend to get lost over time, and this one I didn't mean to lose. My idea of love, not just for a partner, but for everybody special to me - my parents, siblings, friends, relatives... 

Every now and then we see people falling in love.
But then we hear them crying over the pain it causes.

True love inspires.
It makes you want to become a better person.
It takes all your insecurities away,
leaves you with the courage to fight anything in your way.
Because no matter what, when they are in love with you
and you with them,
they'll always be there. Beside you. Behind you. Leading you....
Even the thought that they care makes you want to strive.
Even the pain becomes a part of the struggle to rise.

Being in love is exalting, inspiring.
Because you always "Fly in Love", not fall in it.

यादों की धूप

दिल्ली की सर्दी में
घर की छत पर चटाई फैलाकर
धूप  सेकना याद आता है
बस अब बाट देख रहे हैं
गुप्ताजी
उन्ही आलस भरी छुट्टियों की
क्योंकि बहन से लड़ाई
और माँ के हाथ के गाजर हलवे बिना
रहा ही कहाँ जाता है

Whenever She uses the "F" word...

Opened this article thinking I was referring to THE "F" word? :D
Congrats, you've just been cheated, because this one's really about the next most used and abused "F" word: Feminism.

(Haan haan ye article wahi ghise pite topic par hai... par ab aa hi gaye hain yahaan, to kripaya padh hi lijiye...)

Because contrary to popular perception, there’s a difference between being a feminist and a sexist…

~

A neighbor on the street, to her parents:

“Your daughter hit the boy on the head”

“Yes, I have lectured her against it, but she says that the boy teased and hit her first. I hope you called his parents too. I’d like to have a word with them.”

“Oh, I didn’t think that was necessary. After all, he’s just a boy and boys are uncontrollably naughty. Ladke to hote hi aise hain, kya kar saktein hain.”

~

Her Class 12 Biology teacher, to her:

“Get out of the class, you didn’t do your assignment.”
“But why only me? Why are you letting them sit in the class?

“Oh, these boys are already so notorious. But you, being a girl, disappoint me more.”

~

A female professor to the class in her under-grad college:

“Why are you girls cribbing so much over marks? It’s not like they’re going to take you anywhere. And why all the fuss about lack of resources in the lab, haan? You are anyway going to get married and be housewives or teachers as soon as you pass out from here. Just let things be, okay?”

~

The prospective-groom’s parents to her:

“Can you cook?”

“Yes, I can. Can your son?”

“Will you relocate?”

“Yes, I may. Will your son?”

“Are you career-oriented or a family person?”

“I am both, what about your son?”

Feedback on phone later: “We think your daughter is too career-oriented and headstrong. We want a more family girl.”

Every time she tells people she is a feminist, they look at her as if she is out on some “mahila-mukti-morcha”, until she clarifies:

“I'm as much a feminist as I'm a masculinist”

Yes! The "M" word exists. :P

…and if someone stood as a silent witness to even one event similar to the ones mentioned above, then they are the actual sexists.

Through Shut Eyes I Saw

Some beliefs
Some broken dreams
dreams? or just wishful thinking
in desperation?
of escapism
of running away from reality
of shutting eyes to effort
of wishing for things to happen
on their own

a life, its luxuries, taken for granted
served on a platter
with cherry toppings and creamy icings
cribbing still
for nothing in particular
yet over everything

but till when?
never budging
cribbing still
pampered, moods
throwing tantrums
overtly rude
under the guise of sarcasm
hiding beneath all this
masking imperfections
incomplete endings

but till when?
but till when?
when one day
I shut my eyes
in frightened rebellion
as life slapped me hard
the sound reverberated
deep within
the pain of thrust
pierced within

I shut my eyes
and that's when I saw
or rather, was made to face
myself
all that had to be cleaned up
the pile of misery
of a self centered miser
miser in effort
miser in wholeheartedness
miser in character
miser in intention

and still the world has been
generous
way too generous
with this realization
I vow to give back
what I have taken
that hasn't been rightfully mine
Now I yearn to give back
all that I never earned but took

It's not snakes and ladders
life
not shields and daggers
it is a realization
life
a realization
that takes its own time to come
a realization
that's better late than never.

An Irony, that's Life.

~
सोच समझ कर
चले थे इन पर
अब भी फिर क्यों
लगते अजनबी ये रस्ते हैं

क्यों आए कोई
रोने संग हमारे
हम तो अपनी इस
हालत पर खुद भी हँसते हैं


~
जाने ये कब हुआ 
दूसरों कि नज़र से
खुद को परखने लग गए

देखते थे सपने कईं
बेपरवाह नींद में
जाने कब हम
नींद से जग गए



~
संदूक में रख संजोया जिनको 
दिल के वो कुछ अरमान ही तो थे 
जाने क्यूँ ज़िन्दगी उन्हें भी 
भरी सड़क पर, खोल 
तमाशा बना गयी


~
उम्मीदों के साये में 
हम जब फिर लम्हे जीने लगे
ज़िन्दगी ने उन पर भी आकर 
एक नया सवेरा कर दिया


~
यूँ तो होगा जोशे-जूनून कल फिर
पर ज़िन्दगी के इस अचम्भे पथ पर
आज भरोसा आधा है

होगी नयी एक सुबह कल फिर
पर इन कृत्रिम उजालों के बीच छुपा ये
आज अँधेरा ज़्यादा है  

Classroom

The teacher declared, "Never say never"
A voice from the back blurted out, "Practice what you preach"

The stern glare met many a mischievous eyes.
And amid the suppressed giggles and rising rage,
all thought, "Whoever said Nothing is Impossible"

गुप्ता जी, आज खुश हैं

गर्म चाय और कड़क बिस्कुट लिए
बरामदे की ठंडी हवा में खड़े
बंद आँखों से मंद मंद मुस्कुराते
गुप्ता जी
पुरानी यादों के बीच कहीं खोए हुए हैं
छोड़ो कल की बातें
इस दौड़ से ज़रा परे हट कर
वो आज, यहाँ, इस लम्हे के होए हुए हैं

गुप्ता जी, ज़रा सुनो तो

#2

अटैची लेकर घर से दफ्तर तक
पीढ़ी दर पीढ़ी वही Road न लो
नया चुनो कोई रस्ता लेकिन
नहीं मज़ा उस रस्ते में तो
Light लो, पर Load न लो |

नए दौर के Version ३ में
Version १ का Source code न लो
मिल भी गया तो Antique समझ लो
तोड़ मरोड़ के नया बनालो
Black में बेचो, Load न लो |

गुप्ता जी, ज़रा सुनिए

#1

बहुत भाग लिए ज़िन्दगी के पीछे गुप्ता जी,
सुनो अगर जो कान लगा कर, वक़्त कहने लगा है
अब चला जाए तेज़ इतना कि ज़िन्दगी को भगाएं 
या रुक जाएँ, थम जाएँ ऐसे कि ज़िन्दगी खुद ब खुद 
खींच कर ले जाए आगे, अपने साथ।

You know what the best part about today is?

This is the worst I can be now.
I can only get better from here.
And having realized that is the best feeling.
The feeling of peace. With myself.

I can feel the Dragon rising from sleep.
The nightmares it has had are fading away.
Its rising.
Stretching.

And when it exhales after that deep breath in.
A fiery fire flows furiously.

Rising from the Remains

Dormant.
Distracted.
Distraught.
Disordered.
Dismayed.
Disconcerted.
Dubious.
For too long.
Far too long.

The Dragon.
Impassioned again,
is rising.
Determined.

Rising.
Raging.
Restless.
Roaring.
Readying.

Slow and steady.
Rising from the remains.

For the path ahead may be
too demanding,
but the gates are back in sight.

Cold

Its getting too dark in here.
This engulfing hollowness.
The black hole I never knew existed
is growing heavier by the day.
Perhaps a walk in the sun
would do good.
And a free flow of tears.

I walk in the sun.
I find no warmth.
I cry my heart out.
Saltless water, cold.

24 and a Half

Really? A post about being Twenty Four and a Half?
Age is just a number. And whats in a number really?
"Don't add days to your life, add life to your days", silly girl!


Precisely that's what I am talking about here. Looking at the 'unquantifiable', invaluable and humble realizations this half year has unsolicitedly bestowed upon me, today, at '24 and a 1/2' and a day older, it leaves me fondly amused.

Half year ago, I was going senile.
Half year ago I was pushed into being 24.
I disliked the idea of being at 24,
just because I was going senile.
Half year ago,
I found consolation in the fact that like other years,
this "being 24" too shall quickly, peacefully pass.
But this was not to be.

Because, Half year ago
I 'really' started growing up.
I did not see it coming then.
I realize it now looking back.

I forced open the imaginary gates of
shielding, lofty fantasies
to brace the hard hitting,
unyielding blows of reality.

I freaked out. I cried. I cursed.
I got bruised left, right and center.
Personally, professionally,
physically, mentally,
idealistically, philosophically,
really.

Half year later,
I am stronger, full of vigor
and tolerant.
Perplexed yet hopeful.
Stubborn yet pragmatic.
Delirious yet patient.
Chancing yet steady.
Sanely insane
Complexly plain

So here I am,
Looking forward
to being 25, 26 and many more.
Simply loving being Twenty Four.
Basking in this transition
from being childish to being mature.

Half year ago,
I was neither happy nor satisfied.
Now at 24 and a 1/2, and a day older,
I choose never to be satisfied.
And I couldn't be happier.

This is definitely not a Quarter-life crisis.
Its Quarter-life amazement!

Cultivation

Amid a roar of frantic clapping, the excited voices cheered, "Try with 6 now Jaggu". He did. More clapping and more cheers followed as encouraged and surprised by his own little talent, he tried successfully with 7 and 8 also.

The small herd of little kids was getting ecstatic. They were all shouting in unison, "We want Naaine, wee~ want naa~ine". Twelve year old Jaggu was skeptical now. Could he do it? Could he juggle all 9 for a minute without letting any fall? Or rather, should he? Because if even one fell...

Vacillating between his irrepressible excitement and duty, as Jaggu picked up the ninth apple from the thela he was monitoring, at a distance, his angry father could be seen stomping with a thick bamboo stick towards the commotion to give him what was to be 'Jaggu's first lesson'.

Jaggu the juggler was to be Jaggu the Apple seller.

Workstation

Overwhelmed with emotions, wiping off the saline taste of tears from his mouth, he thought, "But whats Hardware without its Software anyway?".

Just then, with a hint of threat in it, a stiff voice called out, "You've been out too long. Get back to work. Work. Work like a robot."

In a haste, he stepped to open the dustbin flap, crushed his drawings, filled his mug with yet another shot of caffeine and went back to his cubicle.

Chasing Deadlines.
Chasing Life.

Carpe Diem

Ah! Life, a probability
The game of chance,
of faith, of hope,
hopeless romance;
recollection, precision,
calculated decision,
deception, intrigue,
nail biting anticipation
never a win-win
its all but a gamble
favourableness, the odds
are all but a ramble
cuz even with
unbiased dice
being objective,
no virtue; no vice
oh right, you can even
maximize,
from a hundred rolls
you're free to learn
but admit it,
all said and done
you could never tell
the outcome of that
hundred-and-oneth turn

कल को कल में रहने दो

कबसे मन में आशाओं का
समुद्र था एक संजोया हुआ
उड़ कर पल में वो बादल सा
जा बैठा है आँखों के पीछे
बहने दो
अब बहने दो

उड़ गया समुद्र जो बादल बनके
तो बचा है केवल नमक वहाँ
चुभता है पल पल घावों पर
सहने दो
अब सहने दो

समय का खेल, पुरानी बातें
सहमा सा दिल, अधूरी मुलाकातें
कईं शब्दों के बीच कुछ शब्द अनकहे
कहने दो
अब कहने दो

भरी आँखें, दुखते घाव
छलकती हँसी, आस है बाकी
है हाल कुछ ऐसा, तो ऐसा ही
रहने दो
अब रहने दो

A Truth Unavowed

~
Beating, defeating
the guilt, disdain
Will the Eagle,
ever, soar again?

~
There it stood with eyes full of hope,
longing, belonging, heart ajar
Why did it forget it is but a Dragon
lonesome, bereft, scared, far

For
Eagles don't flock
and Dragons don't melt
Or perhaps they do
But you'll
never get to see
~
An Eagle's pain.
~
A Dragon's scar.

अब मैं आज़ाद हूँ

शीशे की दीवारों में
कैद था जाने कब से मन
कोशिश तो की
पर चाह नहीं थी
इन रंग भरी दीवारों को
तोड़ कर बहार आने की

इन नए नए रंगों में रोज़
जग दिखता कितना सुन्दर था
बाहर की बेरंग दुनिया से शायद
कैद भली थी शामियाने की

पर क्या हुआ जाने एक दिन
जो आस जगी अनोखी एक
दम घुटा और हमने फिर
तुड़वा डाला दीवारों को

टूटे शीशों का दर्द हुआ
नाज़ुक कोमल से पावो में
धुंधला गयी डरी सी नज़र
जब अश्क बहे इन आखों से

पर समय बीता
हम आगे बढ़े
कम हुआ दर्द और धुंधलापन
रह गए हम एकदम चकित जब
पाया जग को को और भी रौशन

हुए अचंभित चकाचौंध से
उल्लास भर गया रग रग में
नया है कितना कुछ देखने को
इस बहुप्रदर्शक जगमग जग में

ओ साथी तू भी निकल अब बाहर
क्यों शीशे में कैद, भयभीत है?
आ नाच यहाँ खुले आँगन में
इस नए जग का अजब ही कुछ संगीत है

Why I Write

Every time I write, no matter how badly, its like a part of me goes into the piece. Maybe that's why it feels light after penning down sad thoughts and happier after happy ones. 'Pain lessens and joy grows by sharing' they say. This couldn't be truer because every time I re-read these write-ups, it feels like a maturer me is now there to comfort, share and take control of the situation. :)

#Joys-Of-Writing 

#To-Pen-and-Pensive-Moods